When a publisher publishes an author’s short story, novella, or novel they are entering into a relationship. I suspect that all publishers that have been around the block understand this. I also have reason to believe that many writers do not.
As a writer, I know about that “me against the world” feeling that finds its home inside your heart during those first few years - nobody is on your side, nobody is saying your name, nobody seems to care. You are all alone and prepared to work with anyone, become partners with anyone. In many ways you are like that pimple-faced kid leaning against the wall at the high school dance, thinking, I wish someone would dance with me... I don’t care who it is... I just want to dance. When you send your work to a publisher - know it or not - you are asking, Would you like to dance? Would you like to go steady? Won’t you be mine? And between the time the question is asked and the answer comes you can’t help but wonder - after all, nobody likes to be kept waiting.
There are so many publishers that come and go. One day they’re putting out their first book, quite possibly talking about their unrealistic publishing schedule - we’re going to put out 25 books in our first year, and 50 in our second... oh boy! Or perhaps they’re bragging about things beyond their control - I’m going to make sure that all my books are bestsellers, and anyone that submits to my press will find out if they are accepted or rejected within 30 days, you betcha!
Doesn’t this press sound absolutely perfect for you? This is a match made in heaven, for sure!
But life isn’t like this.
Pretend YOU are the publisher. That first publication is almost easy. You have no fan base, no track record, and in some ways, nothing to lose. The amount of people that care about what you’re doing is at an all-time low, the amount of people contacting you can be counted on your thumbs, and the number of projects you need to maintain, promote, and answer for, is zero.
Things change.
You’ve signed a few authors, sent out a wave of contracts, put out your first anthology. No sweat. After all, if the first book doesn’t sell it’s not the end of the world; you only paid the writers 1¢ per word. You can bounce back from this. Of course you can! You’ve got a job, some money in the bank. You’ll survive.
Good news: you don’t fail.
Things are going well. Your first book - The Giant Two-Headed Lobster - looks good. You’ve made a few sales and gained a few fans. You’ve got an anthology to promote and you’re doing a great job promoting it. Hey everybody, do you want to buy my book? It’s my first one; help a brother out! Time moves on. People are contacting you. One book becomes five. Promoting becomes tougher, but things are still good; you landed two reviews in one day and both are saying that you’re the best thing since sliced bread. Congrats! However, you’re now juggling a handful of things: emails, formatting ebooks, creating paperbacks, watching your sales reports - what’s working, what not - got a blog? Good for you, better keep that shit up! Got a website? Why not? Don’t you want to be taken seriously? Get on it! Before you know it you’re getting 10 emails a day.
Sales for Werewolf Slumber Party are up, sales for The Vampire & The Hobbit are steady, and sales for The Creature from the Blue Baboon are nonexistent. That 1¢ per word is starting to feel different. Why? Because 80,000 words @ 1¢ per word is $800.00. Plus you’re working with different editors, more cover artists, new graphic designers. All of them want money. Each book is costing over $1,500.00 now, assuming you DON’T include the time you’re working on them. Five anthologies at $1,500.00 equals $7,500.00 - and you know that number’s low because you paid some of the writers more than 1¢ per word, and sending out contributor copies - you’ve realized - costs a shit-load: 20 authors, $8 per book plus shipping? Damn... should have seen that one coming. Lets be honest - are the books costing $2,000.00 each? Try not to think about it.
Two more books out the door. One book is making money; one book is losing money. Something needs to be done, but what? Now the big names are calling. Fantastic! You just signed who? You’re putting out what? You offered an advance of how much? Do an interview here, help a publisher there - hey mister, won’t you read my manuscript? You know what would make a great anthology? Can I get a blurb? More emails, more books out the door. You should feel great except you received two reviews today and both readers agree that you suck monkey-balls, and you’re losing a thousand of dollars a month because the tax-man is fucking you. This needs to be dealt with right away. If only you had more time!
An idea comes... it’s so simple! Quit the day job! Why work for someone else when you can work for yourself? Sounds great, so you quit your day job. After all, it’s the only thing you can do - too much work and not enough time, don’t you know. But now you don’t have enough money to pay the people working for you, and you need to pay them anyways. Are you going to do it? Are you going to pay them, or are you going to let everything fall apart? Can you keep it together? Are you ready for the next step? Or are you going to fuck everyone over, edit every book, read the 500 stories that landed in your slush pile, and learn about graphic design?
Screw it. Something must be done, so you dig into your savings and pay the people their share. You feel good about this. It was the right thing to do. Now sales are really important, because its not just you anymore... it’s us. You are becoming someone's paycheck.
Take a deep breath. Focus on the important things, like paying your “novel” authors every three months. You don’t want to get behind on that, even if making up those royalty reports is a real bitch. But things are okay; you’re not worried. You are - however - willing to admit that keeping your head above water is becoming a full-on achievement. Why? Because you’ve got real-life bills to pay. You’ve got to eat, don’t you? Isn’t it time for an oil-change? Happy birthday... here’s your gift! Payments are made on the 15th... and the 30th. There are holes in your underwear and you haven't bought a new shirt in three years.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Remember that extra time you thought you were gaining when you quit the “real” job. Where is it now? The fact is - you’re working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, and you’re wondering, How does anyone manage to promote 15 books at one time?
Uh-oh... there was a problem with a contract - one of your authors is pissed! Better deal with that soon. Another author is upset because you sold 5,000 copies of Sex with Robots, Volume One, and he wants to get paid more. After all, shouldn't the authors get paid more if the book is selling? And no - he doesn't care if you lost your shirt releasing Harry, The Homophobic Hippo. He was not part of that anthology. Real life steps in again - your girlfriend wants nothing to do with you because you’re never there. Can your love life be salvaged? Probably not. Cry yourself to sleep and keep looking ahead... you don’t need a relationship anyhow.
Are you going to WhateverCON? Oh man - you need to go to that one. Everyone will be there! Book your flight, gone for a week, and when you get home there’s so much to do that you don’t know where to start. One of your authors is upset because it has been 3 months since she signed Gillian's Island of the Dead with you, and the book hasn’t been released. What’s taking so long? Another author is upset because you’re not doing enough to promote Blood Orgy and sales are sliding. Don’t you care? Why publish Blood Orgy if you're not going to promote it properly? You published 15 books in 15 months? Bravo! How did you do it? What is this... fan-mail? Awesome! But what’s this... hate-mail? That sucks. Here's your new book cover, and it looks like shit!
Now you’re getting 35 emails a day, and one of the guys you rejected in Zombie-Knife-Fight 3 has given a one-star review to every book you’ve released. You feel sick. Your computer crashed. This is a major problem. Deal with it. An author you never heard of with "neurotic tendencies" decides to take cheap shots at you and your company online, and when you let him know that you didn't appreciate it you get called arrogant and he sends you a long-winded email. There's no apology, of course - why would there be? - but he wants you to get back to him so you can work things out. Someone asked you about your marketing schedule and you realized that you do not have one. Maybe you should work on that. Maybe you should put together a publishing schedule, too. Because - be honest, now - you've been "winging it", haven't you?
The Legal Deposit Division has decided to suspend all of your ISBN numbers until you fill out the proper paperwork and send them 2 copies of each book. It takes 2 hours to fill out the paperwork and shipping costs $65.00. Good news: people are starting to notice you! Bad news: your books are now showing up on 75 different sites as free illegal downloads! Decision time - become the publishing version of Metallica and fight these soulless bastards, or let it slide. One of your favorite authors is promoting his new book, and it has YOUR cover art! How the hell did that happen? Contact the publisher - Hey asshole, don’t make me phone my lawyer.
You decide that it's time to do some promotion. In your opinion, the very best horror magazine in the world is Rue Morgue. They are awesome, and the idea of having a half-page advertisement in the next edition makes you feel extremely excited. Or maybe even a full-page advertisement! Wouldn't a full page ad be amazing? After a little bit of investigating, and a pair of unbelievably polite emails from the excellent people that run the head office, you are surprised to find that a single full-page ad costs $2,800.00 plus tax. Without a doubt, that is not within your budget. A half-page ad is $1,595.00 plus tax, but they are willing to drop that price down to $1,420.00 plus tax if you buy 6 ads. Several sleepless nights later you decide to go for it. You pay your graphic designer $100.00 to build the first of 6 ads, and you sign up for Rue Morgue's half-page, 6-ad special. You have no doubt that business will soon be booming! When the issue hits the newsstand you are so excited you think you'll burst! The ad looks great! Your friends are patting you on the back. Time to celebrate - this is the big time! Sadly, as the month marches on you realize that sales are not going up. Oh well. The second ad will do the trick. You pay another $100.00 to your graphic designer and another $1,420.00 plus tax to Rue Morgue before submitting the file. The next issue comes out and sales are up! Yep - sales are up by thirty-five copies. When it's time to create the third ad you ask your graphic designer if he wouldn't mind doing the third ad for free. Reluctantly, he says yes. And you pray to God that sales go up.
Which is better, Lightning Source or CreateSpace? How do you know, have you tried them both? Smashwords rejected your file again. One of your cover artists is mad at you for promoting your book using the image they sold you. Your mother called and she wants to know what you plan on doing after the ePublishing bubble bursts. The paperback version of The Headless Dwarf arrived in the mailbox today, and it looks great! But wait - is that a typo on page one? That doesn't say, "Hello, sweetie!" That says, "Hello, sweaty!" You bought 1,000 books to sell at Gigantic-O-Con. The table cost was $1,100.00. You sold 80 books. Now there's a warehouse in your basement and your credit card is cranked.
Your sister lost her job over the Christmas holiday and is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. To make life better she has taken up writing. Today you received a short story from her, and it's the worst piece of shit you've ever read. Publishing her sorry attempt at the English language is not an option, but rejecting her might push her over the edge. You seriously wonder if the rejection letter will make her kill herself. You hope not, because you're sending out a rejection letter with her name on it tonight. One of the books you published was still under contract with a different publisher. Do something. The doctor called: you have an ulcer. Heard the news? Nobody is taking you seriously because you’re only offering 1¢ per word. Shit. Okay. Better make it 2¢. Now books are costing $2,500 each. If you don’t sell 2,000 copies you’re in big trouble.
Remember those contributor copies you sent overseas? They got lost in the mail. Send them again. Question: what happened to your own writing? Are you still doing that? You’ve got fans, you know. You better find time to get some writing done - after all, didn’t you want to be a writer? You haven’t published a book in 3 months? Is your press finished? What’s going on? You published 4 books in 10 days? How is that possible? Running a press must be easy! Your author page says that you've only released two books. Do you plan on updating your profile anytime soon? You probably should. You sold 500 copies less this month than last month. Are you worried? Should you be?
Somehow the files you uploaded are corrupted, and all your new ebooks look like shit. Reformat. Republish. There's a new small press in town, and they're stealing every idea you come up with. There's an old small press in town, and they're bad-mouthing you on Shocklines because you sell more books in an afternoon than they do in a month. You're a better editor now than you were when you started. You should re-edit every book. It finally hits you: Twitter is important. You have 18 followers. You need a whole lot more. Three months after you release Attack of the 50 Foot Water Buffalo, Penguin Publishing releases a book with the exact same name. You spend 5 days reading a 140,000 word submission called, Chewbacca Dies at the End, and it's fantastic! You let the author know the good news: you want to publish the book! Sorry. She signed with someone else.
One of the biggest writers in the industry decides that you're cool and he lets people know it. This pisses off another big writer, who decides to tell everyone that you won't last a year. Now some of your peers are treating you differently. Will you facebook "like" me? Can you sign an autograph? Will you be my friend? Lets start a small press union! I know you just read 600 zombie stories, but I decided to send you one more. I don't want you to publish it; I just thought you might like to read it. Can you help me get my book nominated for a Stoker? Awards mean so much more to me when I ask everyone I know for a fake vote. Do you mind promoting my books inside your books? Why can't I make my ebooks free on Amazon the way you did? People are saying that the only reason you got into publishing was for the money. Is this true? After spending 5 painful days attaching your newly purchased midi-controller to your computer, you are finally ready to build your very first audiobook. A month and a half later you realize that building audiobooks is beyond your skill-set. You have spelling mistakes within your blog, you know. How can you call yourself a publisher if you don't know how to spell discombobulate?
There's something wrong at the printers, and books are being sold with a screwed-up interior. Create new files immediately. You got paid $6,000 this month? That’s awesome! You're going to be rich! You owe $8,000 this month? How did that happen? Don't you know what you're doing? How long has it been since you posted on your blog? Better get on it. Sick for a week? Keep focused. You had a nice, big brain-fart and you said something stupid. Now people think you're a jerk. Your new cover artist pushed your current project back for the third time this month. Is there something going on that you don't know about? One of the short stories you accepted turns out to be a turd. Are you going to publish a turd, or go back on your word?
You tell one of your oldest, dearest friends that you sold 2,300 units in the last 20 days, and she suddenly doesn't like you. Apparently your ego is the size of New York City. One of your short story authors doesn't want to use PayPal; you decide that paying by check might not be so bad. The check amount is $14.50. Of course, you live on different continents... with different currency... and the money-order the bank forces you into purchasing - after you make a special trip to the bank, and wait in line for 20 minutes - costs you an extra $16.00. Plus postage. And the check becomes lost in the mail. You need to do it again. Your uncle has a great idea for a book. He wants you to write it for him. You’ve got a Facebook stalker, and he keeps sending you crazy messages. Is it okay to tell him to get lost?
Congratulations on that 2¢ per word thing. The Horror Writers Association says the professional rate is 5¢. The International Thriller Writers won't take you seriously unless you distribute your products in brick-and-mortar stores, or fill out a bunch of paperwork, answering questions that haven't been relevant for 10 years. You know from personal experience that having a book inside every bookstore across America doesn't mean much these days. And somehow you're the only person that understands that paying for a review in Publishers Weekly will not equal one extra sale. You believe that having your books inside the few remaining Borders is an ego move, not a business move, but explaining this is pointless. Every unknown author disagrees, and so do the bestsellers. Ex-Midlisters, on the other hand? Ex-Midlisters agree 100%. Lets face it it. You sold more units last month than many of them did last year.
Amazon introduced a brand new everything - do you know about it? Is it working? What are the other authors saying? Are you keeping up to date with the way the market is swinging? Is it a good idea to sign with Amazon Select? Have you pulled your books out of Barnes & Noble, yet? Here's an idea: have every book translated into German, Spanish, and French! What is an Alsobot? Are Alsobots important? You should lump your books together into sets of three and sell each set as a single file. Have you joined Prime? Is your ereader outdated? What does KDP stand for? What are the the pros and cons of enabling Digital Rights Management? Is Lightning Source making Smashwords irrelevant? Do you fully understand the copyright laws in each country? This just in: 5 more terrible reviews came down the pipe and two of them are from people that haven't read the book; the urge to respond is overwhelming. After mailing your completed W-7 form, the IRS rejected your request for an ITIN number... again. This means you can’t fill out the W-BEN form, which is important. People are telling you to call the US Embassy, but that doesn't seem right. Will your accountant know how to deal with this? They screwed things up last time.
And by the way, what’s taking so long with that Barfing Dead story I sent you three months ago? Don’t you care? I thought we were going to dance?
Bloody hell.
Authors and publishers that work together are in a relationship, a partnership. Partners need to be part of the solution, not part the problem. I like to work with people that are part of the solution, not part of the problem.
If you’re an author that has signed with a publisher, help them. They can’t do everything.
If you’re an author that has submitted to a publisher, be patient. You have no idea how difficult things become.
If you like what a publisher is doing and you don’t want them to stop, support them. This means buying some books, posting positive reviews, and telling your friends.
But whatever you do - don’t attack the people you are trying to build a relationship with in public for not being everything you want them to be. Trust me, you have no idea. If you did, you’d say nothing but good things. And why say bad things about the people you want to have a relationship with?
What kind of dance will that be?
